The Blog at modernarthur.com: November 2005

Everytime I go to tell someone via text message that I hate everything, my phone is quick to remind me that I, in fact, have everything, so I know enough not to say something absurd like, say, I'm not thankful. I am thankful. The only time I hesitate to give thanks to the world, the universe, life in general, etc., is when I think on behalf of people who don't have everything, who, in fact, have every right to hate.

Tom, November 24, 2005, 3:12 AM (link here)

(zardoz by charles)

Early the morning of November 24, 2005

My good friend Paul Oyen's contribution to Cincinnati Bearcat club sports is still talked about to this day. From ye olde News Record:

[UC and EKU] also share a rivalry that has been around since the 2003-04 season.

The rivalry, called the "golden water bottle game," stems from former Bearcat Paul Oyen.

According to team manager/goalie Alan Grove, Oyen skated down to EKU's goal after a 4-1 Bearcats victory and took a drink from their goalie's water bottle.

Late in the next game, a fight occured between two teams after one of EKU's players hit Oyen in retaliation.

EKU made a trophy to coincide with the newfound rivalry game, and the rest is history.

Tom, November 22, 2005, 12:01 AM (link here)

Dates and times subject to change with little or no notice. Seating, you should know, is limited to a couch, a chair, and three square feet of floor. To request a spot, send an e-mail to tom@modernarthur.com specifying which movie(s) you would like to see and why.

Tom, November 20, 2005, 3:08 AM (info here)

And here's a picture of Dan Quayle and Kid Phil.

Tom, November 19, 2005, 1:12 PM

Phil made it back to New York. Here's a picture of the cemetery:

Tom, November 18, 2005, 10:07 PM

Charles makes a point:

Let's be honest here, suppose phil does actually return from providence as a vampire? Will he really be all that different? He'll act exactly the same, but will be a much snappier dresser

Tom, November 17, 2005, 4:00 PM

from Phil:

In a cemetery
right now. Never
leaving
-----------------

Oh dear.

Tom, November 17, 2005, 2:07 PM

I'm trying to get a hold of Phil, to see how his mid-week tryst is going, but he's not answering his phone. Does anyone know what the ratio of girls who aren't serial killers to girls who are is for Providence, Rhode Island?

Tom, November 17, 2005, 1:02 AM

Subscribe to the New Yorker and before you know it your apartment will be littered with unread New Yorkers.

Tom, November 17, 2005, 12:34 AM

(guitar god by charles)

November 16, 2005

Thomas Thompson aka Tom Thumb
1932 - 2005

Tom, November 16, 2005, 12:02 AM

Tom, November 15, 2005, 11:43 PM

Tom, November 14, 2005, 9:16 AM

Tom, November 13, 2005, 10:51 PM

Tom, November 12, 2005, 8:30 AM

Tom, November 11, 2005, 7:57 PM

I'm gonna be stepping out for a couple days to concentrate on serious (read: paid) work, curate my Orson Welles Festival, and, perhaps most importantly, dive headfirst into the 30+ Marvel Universe Handbooks I bought off of eBay.

In the meantime, I'm putting this site in the small hands of another Tom--my scientist, inventor, adventurer friend, Thomas Thompson, aka Tom Thumb.

Tom, November 11, 2005, 7:49 PM

This morning I scratched, "SEE MURDERIZER PERFORM LIVE," off my list of things to do before I die.

Tom, November 11, 2005, 11:33 AM

Having just enjoyed Orson Welles' F for Fake--a "commendable exercise in free-form vainglory," says me--in which Orson took me by the hand, sat me down at his table, fattened me up, talked a little bit about the blurred line between real and fake, and then ate me, I decided to go googling for more.

APPRECIATE ME: A Festival of Old Orson Welles is what I've decided will be taking place in my apartment, over the course of the next two months. The harder they fall, the more we must appreciate them.

Specific dates, times, and films TBA.

. . .

Two teasers, if you will:

This, infamous outtakes from a frozen peas radio spot. Orson, in the twilight of his more desperate years, calls some ad hacks on their crappy copywriting.*

And this. Poor, drunken Orson trying to sell champagne. Such a shame.

*The Frozen Peas outtakes came from UbuWeb's 365 Day Project, for which we can all be grateful. It's part of their Outsiders collection. Approach. with. lots. of. caution. You will waste time there.

UPDATE: I changed my mind. The festival will be called Seven Weeks for Old Orson.

Tom, November 10, 2005, 1:33 AM (link here)

Lisa directed me to this site: www.whitehouse.gov/barney

It is a web page devoted to Barney Bush, the alleged son of George and Laura Bush. On it you will find his bio, a dumb game, cutesy Q & A, lots of photos, and films in which actual White House employees (President Bush included) make cameos. I don't know what's worse: That these films were made, or that they were made poorly.

I've only been able to make it the whole way through one of the films, the lazily titled, Barney Cam II: Barney Reloaded. You can find it along the right-hand side of the page. It's about how Barney is put in charge of decorating the White House for Christmas when he would rather run through the halls, eat Snausages, play in the yard, and gamble with Ari Fleischer.

In a scene clearly designed to deride Mr. Bush's critics, White House Correspondent Bill Plante confronts Barney about his skewed priorities. The scene plays out like so:

Even better is President Bush's cameo. He's outside tossing snow around when he drops this bit of parenting on Barney: "When somebody gives you a job, Barney, and you agree to do it, then you're supposed to go do the job."

As for the photos of Barney, there are indeed lots. They appear to have started out as a one-a-day thing, but have since slowed to one-a-week and, now, one-a-month. Which is kind of a shame. The Barney photos operate on a whole new level of ridiculousness, and to have to wait a whole month for a new one, I imagine, will be near unbearable.

The photos--mainly their captions--go from bad to worse. Some are honest to goodness okay, most are bizarre, some are sort of funny, in an utterly random kind of way, others just downright confusing. And a few hint that the people put in charge of the Barney photos realize what they are doing is pointless. I mean, how couldn't they?

Enough about Barney.

Tom, November 6, 2005, 12:21 PM

(A couple years ago, I said I would run the marathon that's taking place right now. I've learned so much since then.)

Tom, November 6, 2005, 11:23 AM

This week marked the one year anniversary of our country re-electing our president.

Our president had this to say about the current Bird Flu scare.

Will Rogers' birthday also happened this week. Will Rogers once had this to say about our country:

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
Or doesn't do.

Tom, November 5, 2005, 5:41 PM (mov here)

"To the plight of Where's Waldo."

Tom, November 2, 2005, 12:07 AM (read here)