Charles's First Law states that if you pass gas whilst sitting on a wooden surface (hardwood floors and coffee tables, in particular) the resulting sound will be amplified 10 times the norm.


Charles's Second Law is a bit more high brow. It states that the phrase "Christ, what an asshole." is the answer to nearly every New Yorker Magazine Caption Contest.





Tom, January 31, 2006, 9:00 PM         (link here)
                                                  

Happy Chinese New Year's Eve Eve -- You can make that a computer desktop or something.



Tom, January 27, 2006                  (link here)
                                                  

Joby Harold explains anaesthetic awareness for the 100,000,000,000,000th time.



Tom, January 27, 2006, 4:46 PM         (link here)
                                                  

Dinner, question mark.



Tom, January 26, 2006, 11:39 PM        (link here)
                                                  

Phil wants:

...to build a robotic Phil Lynott, who will not only sing the songs of Thin Lizzy but will also cook a mean sweet bread and dispense non-cancer causing cigarettes out of his ass.

Unfortunately, while it may be possible to make a robotic rock 'n roll black Irish man who can rock, cook, and dispense ass-cigarettes, it is not possible to make one who does not maintain a fierce and terminal heroin habit.

RIP Robo-Lynott (2006-2008)

Tom, January 23, 2006, 1:19 AM
                                                  

MAIN SQUEEZE, that seven-man powerhouse aggregation with the vertically-flipped Mars symbol in their logo, is bringin' its funky jazzrock and rhythm & blues & mustaches to PIANOS on Saturday, February 11!





UPDATE: It appears that it's a MAIN SQUEEZE ORCHESTRA show. My mistake.

UPDATE: As far as anyone can tell, tickets are $10 at the door.



Tom, January 19, 2006, 11:44 AM        (link here)
                                                  

My opinion of kids turned around this morning when a little girl in a stroller shushed one of those loud, mad subway preacher-types.



Tom, January 18, 2006, 12:20 PM        (link here)
                                                  

Last year, sometime, I don't really remember when, exactly--late Winter, maybe--Phil and I saw the Dimestore Dance Band and the Vanity Set play at Tonic, during the Save Tonic days. We didn't realize it ahead of time, but the show doubled as a wake for the bands' friend, Pandora.

Off to the side of the stage, a small altar was set up. There were candles, photos, a book to write in, a doll, raspberry tarts, etc., and a stack of CD-Rs full of Pandora's favorite songs. It was clear that there were a lot of Pandora's friends at the show, and having only just heard of Pandora that very night, I hesitated to take a CD. Better to save them for the people who knew her, I thought.

But there were dozens of CDs at the altar, maybe as many as fifty. And Phil twisted my arm (bought me a drink).


Arguably, some of the best music I now have at my disposal came via Pandora's posthumous playlist. I recently posted one song I was introduced to (her highness Princess Crocodile) and here's another:

New Town by Life Without Buildings.

I heard New Town for the first time late last night. It was a perfect song to be walking home to when all things work and weather were considered, and this morning when I traced the song's steps to my computer, of course I had Pandora to thank. That made for the fifth or sixth time I'd thought I'd heard all of Pandora's Top 196, only to discover another something great.



Tom, January 13, 2006, 3:07 PM         (link here)
                                                  

January 11, 2006
                                                  

Last night Jenni took me out to a charming bistro on 1st and 1st. They played a charmingly unexpected mix of Bob Dylan and The Magnetic Fields before settling on a live Noel Gallagher bootleg--a bootleg from, like, 1996 that I remember downloading off the internet in high school, listening to until it melted, and that I had never before heard in public, not once. My head still hurts this morning. Noel Gallagher isn't considered cool anymore. Certainly not 1st and 1st cool. And even if he was--a bootleg from 1996? Jenni kept telling me the music was her doing, but she was laughing when she said it, and with all the Red Bicycle- er, Red Bicyclette wine she kept giving me, I couldn't tell if she was serious or joking.



Tom, January 12, 2006, 9:46 AM
                                                  

The thing about people like Sara Science--if that is in fact her real name--is that, while some of them may mean well--let's be modest, there's gotta be a decent folk or two in the lot of them--but for the most part these guys, they just can't seem to keep their views and their politics to themselves. Sara Science's show was not a fair examination of science. It certainly was not, as we say, balanced. Sara Science's television program turned the fine concept of science into a one-sided, hedonistic, drug-induced babble with a vehemently liberal, vastly inappropriate, almost pornographic, agenda. In short, it was bullpucky. Bullpucky aimed at children--now that's the worst kind.

-- P. Peter Wrightley, bully broadcaster,
in "Sara Science, May She Rest in Peace"

Tom, January 11, 2006, 5:41 PM
                                                  

For my birthday, Phil was going to buy me a brick at the Creation Museum engraved with a message memorializing Sara Science, a character of ours whose life of scientific pursuits, selfless devotion to humanistic endeavors, and tireless attempts to educate the masses came to an end in 2004. Sadly, the morons at the Creation Museum do not have such personalized bricks for sale.

Phil pointed out what they do have, though, are books promising to answer the question on everyone's mind ("What do aliens, dinosaurs and gay marriage have in common?"), threatening bumper stickers (WE'RE TAKING DINOSAURS BACK, MOTHERFUCKER!), and a perfectly absurd list of "creative" donation ideas (a G5 Tower, a Heavy-duty SUV, and so on).

God help us all if the Creationists get their computers. Kill me now.



Tom, January 11, 2006, 11:50 AM
                                                  

Went to Providence last weekend. I love New York.



Tom, January 10, 2006, 10:37 PM           (photos)
                                                  

Two playlists for Escape to Rhode Island

I.

1. Alligator Boy, Hank Pine & Lily Fawn
2. Black Celebration, Depeche Mode
3. Night of the Vampire, Rory Erickson
4. Cowbell, Tapes 'n Tapes
5. Save Our Happiness, Preston School of Industry
6. Angel of Death, Belacqua
7. Angels of Light, The Angels of Light
8. Hybrid Moments, The Misfits
9. Seed of Memory, Terry Reid
10. Twenty-six Temptations, DeVotchKa
11. White Panther, Arcesia
12. Wisdom, Brian Jonestown Massacre
13. Call on Me, Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band
14. Aces High, Grum Lee
15. Murder Man, John Otway & Wild Willy Barrett
16. Thomas Jefferson Breakdown, The Masters feat. Eddie Adcock
17. Grass, Animal Collective
18. Mozzarella Swastikas, Adam Green
19. Banjo Clog, Dock Boggs
20. Synthesizer, Electric Six

II.

1. Princess Crocodile, Gry w/ FM Einheit and his Orchestra
2. Popfest, Need New Body
3. Channel Z, The B-52's
4. Enola Gay, OMD
5. This is Not a Love Song, PIL
6. The Devil has All the Best Tunes, Prefab Sprout
7. These Things Happen, Action Painting!
8. Things That Scare Me, Neko Case
9. Sinnerman, Nina Simone
10. In the Beginning, Imperial Teen
11. Shiny Shiny Pimpmobile, East River Pipe
12. Streethawk II, Destroyer
13. Love Will Tear Us Apart [demo], The Main Squeeze Orchestra
14. Major Tom, The Space Lady
15. Chain Gang, The Cherry Blossoms
16. Magic Finger, Need New Body
17. Crazy Rhythm, Bill Haid's Cubs
18. Rock 'n Roll Suicide [live], Rilo Kiley
19. There She Goes, My Beautiful World, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
20. Continuum, Annelie De Man



Tom, January 6, 2006, 2:57 AM
                                                  

What's that? You didn't sign up for this shit either?

UNSUBSCRIBE T-SHIRTS Only $7!

The price of a pint of ice cream!

The result of a brainstorm between some coworkers and myself.

"That's the shirt!" raves Kimson Albert.



Tom, January 4, 2006, 11:37 PM       (unsubscribe)
                                                  

Hey Phil,


Where'd



this bell come from?


That was just a question. Not a philosophical one.

-- Tom


January 4, 2006, 11:23 PM
                                                  

The Financial District: because $7 for a pint of ice cream.




Tom, January 4, 2006, 12:26 AM
                                                  

I'm sorry, I just noticed Mike's Friendster picture. It's the funniest thing I've seen all year ...



Tom, January 2, 2006, 2:32 AM
                                                  

Plans to not do anything were slayed by Cristina's idea to break into a skyscraper. So New Year's Eve ended up being from a balcony south of Times Square.

NEW YEAR'S EVE 05/06 PHOTOS

The crowd looked, in Lisa's words, like something out of Lord of the Rings, or in my words, like cous cous. And we didn't really break in.



Tom, January 1, 2006, 5:36 PM          (link here)