WE'LL DO IT LIVE!

MODERN ARTHUR by Tom Bayne

Tuesday, May 27th, 2008
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Good luck tomorrow, Barack. Susan's got practice, so, if you wanna hang out...

Tom Monday, May 19th, 2008 10:44pm
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"Here is a Story" is a song written eighteen years ago by Matt and Mike in order to tease their little sister who was worried what Mark, presumably a classmate, a cute one, what he would think if she didn't do well enough on her homework. It was recorded this past weekend and then I made this video:

Tom Friday, May 16th, 2008 2:15am
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It's like you're the TA of a digital effects continuing ed course and in the class there's the one old guy who wants to learn computers and is I guess a nice guy, but totally out of his element. He talks to the computer. He assumes it will do everything and yet gets really excited to see his name appear after he types it out. And every time you look over at him he's just staring at the thing. Staring at the screen, then at the keyboard, then back at the screen, and you start to feel bad and before you know it, you're at his computer making the mushroom cloud go in reverse for him.

"Control alt R."
"What?"
"Hit control alt R."
"Heh?"
"Oh, here, just slide over..."

Tom May 15, 2008 1:41pm
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CLICK HERE FOR LOVE ROMP
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Charles, if you're wondering what shape your air mattress is gonna be in when I return it to you, I already spilled orange juice on it.

UPDATE: How many holes were in it?

Tom Thursday, May 8, 2008 4:46pm
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From a 1944 Reader's Digest: Why Are We Americans Different? page 1, page 2

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Looking over someone's shoulder at their paper, at the plan for that Atlantic Yards thing this morning, I wondered if anyone could ever convince me of Frank Gehry's merits. That may just be one of those things I'll never, ever see.

Later, I found myself in the allergist's office getting dosed with Spring Pollens, Fall Pollens, Cat, Horse, Shrimp, Cockroaches, Dusts and some other stuff. I waited patiently as all these little mounds marked on my forearm rose and reddened as my body reacted to each in its own different, but pretty much the same way.

I'm simply allergic to some things. And for the time being too busy to find out why.

Tom Tuesday May 6, 2008 1:12pm
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I just sneezed so hard my chair rolled backwards.

Tom Friday, May 2, 2008 10:46am
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Hi everybody...

Tom Sunday, April 27, 2008 11:26am
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These Are Probably The Questions I Ask The Most (An Unofficial Ranking)

1. How's it going? (or variations of...)

2. Does this have cheese in it?

Tom April 3, 2008 5:45pm
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Mike L. M. did the new Why? video ..

ALSO ALSO ALSO... VIDEOS BY BLOND CHILI:

Casey and Paul's quest begins.
Casey and Paul have arrived.
Casey spends time with Josiah the rock star.
Casey and Paul find WHY?'s set list.
Casey and Paul arrive at Yoni's.
Casey and Paul join the party.
Paul aspires to write.
Casey and Paul's time is up.

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It's hard not to be political. It just is. I'm sorry. But maybe we should pass these around? I don't know. Okay.

Back to work.

~~UPDATE:~~ ALERT! SATIRE MIGHT BE DEAD

Tom March 21, 2008 3:39pm
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How's everyone doing?

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What if the prostitute the governor slept with was in your circle of friends and no one knows it and on one Friday night everyone's out at a bar and she gets a text message or two and then a call and then she's like "be right back," but then she doesn't come back, but whatever, I mean, she's really taking the Amtrak down to Washington but no one suspects that, if anything, people just suspect girl problems, but then you're all out again the next night and someone gets a text from her asking where you are and then a little later she shows up and she's like "what'd I miss?" and everyone's like "nothing." The night pans out like any other and sometime around 2 or 3 she's waiting in line for the bathroom and makes out with a guy -- for free! People are so peculiar.

Tom March 11, 2008 12:14pm
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I have the hardest time getting my head around the fact that Ohio--Ohio!--the state of Ohio!--continues to kind of determine the fate of the world.

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TONIGHT! AND THEN STICK AROUND FOR CHING CHONG SONG AT 10ISH!

Tom February 21, 2008 11:40am
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My next post won't be a complainy one, I promise. It'll be about the fun to be had tonight.

Tom February 21, 2008 11:38am
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There're all these comics lying around the office. I guess someone from DC stops by every once and a while and just dumps a load of freebies off.

Well, sometimes I pretend, like, what if I was a kid? And that my parents were the kind who either didn't have the money to spend on comic books or didn't want their kid reading them or whatever, but that one day my dad decided to be nice and so when we're in the checkout line at the store he says, Go on, get a comic book.

And so I race over to the shelf and I'm looking at all the covers and I'm giddy but also a little scared because I want them all but I can only have one.

And he says, Let's go! and I make my pick and I take that comic book home and I look at all the pictures over and over and then eventually I read it, and then again, and then the third time through I read all the advertisements too, and my parents are taking me and my sister out to dinner with my Grandma and the restaurant is in a neighboring town so the car ride's a little long but I read that comic book all the way there and then I bring it inside the restaurant and my parents are a little embarrassed to be the kind with a kid who reads comic books at a restaurant dinner table, Mom rolls her eyes at Dad, et cetera, but at least I'm behaving, and I take the comic book to school and sneak peaks at it when the teacher turns his or her back and I draw the characters from it and it inspires me to come up with characters of my own, but I can't draw faces so I put everyone in masks, and I can't draw shoes, so everyone gets, like, Spiderman feet, and I can't draw hands, so eventually I just give up, but still, that one comic book is able to captivate me and I read it before bed and it sleeps on the pillow beside me.

Okay, so, yeah. When I see these piles of comics lying around the office, I pretend that the one comic book I pick up to take with me into the bathroom is going to be that one comic, that one and only one.

And man, every time I am disappointed. Every time I try to, like, pour over every page, every detail, I get bored. I can't do it. I can't bring myself to even pretend care about these comics. Because the comics are shit. They're so bad. The writing is godawful, the plots are- are they even plots? And I will never, ever appreciate that bullshitty color-things-all-gradient-fadey-and-with-lens-flares turn comics took about five, maybe ten years ago. Who thinks that looks good? I'm serious when I say I have no idea who would think that looks good. I mean, I guess we're being given these comics because they aren't able to sell them, right? That would make sense, I suppose. Maybe I'm just being a bully here, then. These comics are probably never intended to be all that special, nor does anyone who puts them together probably think that. I should get back to work. But if ever a kid with poor or strict parents found himself in a checkout line with his dad who was feeling momentarily generous and it was May of '07 and that kid decided he wanted Firestorm: The Nuclear Man, he'd be so... you know what I mean. It would just be real shame, is what I'm saying.

Tom February 21, 2008 11:10am
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Susan and I live next door to the worst person in the world. Anyone who calls their five-year old kid a motherfucker is the worst person in the world. They're all tied for last place.

Tom February 20, 2008 11:03pm
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"It is time to get real," Clinton said, "to get real about how we actually win this election... It is time to move from good words to good works -- from sound bites to sound solutions."

...which is in itself a soundbite! MY BRAAAAAINNN!!

Tom February 20, 2008 8:42pm
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