The Boss Farts

In an Irish Pub at lunchtime, a young man relays a story to his three friends.

"So I'm the bathroom, right? This morning at work. And it's one of those semi-public bathrooms, you know? There are three places to go in there, but it's, like, real cramped quarters 'cause there's no space. So it's awkward as hell. It might as well just be for one person. Anyway, I'm washing my hands, right? And the boss walks in. And he goes up to the urinal and starts going, and then he just lets out this vicious fart."

His friends start laughing. One of them says, "Dude."

"I know, I know," replies the young man. "And my first thought was, 'serves him right for renting an office with a semi-public bathroom.'"

His friends laugh some more.

"No, but listen. Then I got to thinking. I started worrying and stuff. He knows I heard him. Hell, I was standing right behind him. And he made this weird coughing noise after he farted, so I know he was trying to, like, pretend it didn't happen, you know?"

"Shit," says a friend.

"Yeah," replies the young man. "So now I'm all worried that he's all embarrassed and he won't want to be the boss of someone who heard him fart, you know? Like, he won't want to sign my paychecks now, knowing that I know, and so he's gonna come up with an excuse to fire me."

His friends laugh some more.

"I'm serious! It sucks. I gotta be on my best behavior now. I mean, God damn it. The boss farts and I gotta start showing up to work on time."

"Bosses, man," says a friend, shaking his head.

"Right?" asks the young man. "And where the hell's our food?!"

© 2005 Thomas Edward Bayne