<the zombie living>

The world of The Zombie Living is the result of a total zombie takeover--a world hinted at in a few choice movies, but ultimately a world left up to our own imaginations. Until now, that is.

With no more humans left to tempt them, the zombies of the world (and there are billions of them) couldn't help but revert to some of their old, pre-undead ways. Not entirely ignorant of their former selves, they do what they can to maintain a sense of order, a sense of the society they once knew. The world is one inhabited by slow and clumsy former-people trying their hardest to get by, who don't so much talk as they do stare and moan, and who will never die, short of a severe trauma to the nervous system (but even then maybe not). Please don't think about it too long or it'll stop making sense.

UPDATE: Yes. That does sound a lot like the beginning of Land of the Dead. I'm flattered.

A microwave dings. A male zombie carries a human brain on a small tin tray into his living room, has a seat on a recliner. He picks up the television remote, fumbles with it while changing channels.

A zombie sitcom *click* A commercial for zombie fast food ("handburgers," or something) *click* A commercial for zombie lingerie *click* A zombie president fielding questions from a pool of zombie reporters *click* Paired figure skating zombies, slowly sliding around.

Then the remote slips from the TV-watching zombie's grip. It falls to the ground. He looks at it, then at the TV, then back at the remote. Picking it up isn't worth the effort. He looks back at the TV, takes a bite of brain.

On the TV, the male zombie skater fails to catch the female. She falls to the ground, slides offscreen.

The male zombie skater stands staring at her for a while, then slips and falls himself.

Two zombies on a date at a fancy restaurant. The male zombie is trying to get the zombie waiter's attention. He wants the check and his zombie date is getting impatient. She keeps pointing to her watch. But damn if the male zombie can't get the zombie waiter's attention.

An American zombie is vacationing in France. He stands with his back to the Eiffel Tower. He consults a map, then looks around. He scratches his head. He consults the map again.

It is morning. A zombie sits in his car. He is trying to pull onto a freeway, into a steady stream of slow-moving zombie traffic. He is having trouble finding an opening. Finally he pulls out.

This causes an accident. A slow and steady chain reaction. One zombie driver after another hits the car in front of them. One after another after another.

The crash has made its way off the freeway and into the suburbs. And it continues to build.

The crash has made its way down a tree-lined suburban street.

Inside a house that looks like it used to be pretty nice, a zombie bussinessman is getting ready for work. He ties his necktie crookedly. He pecks his zombie wife on the cheek, pats his kid on its head. He exits his house, picks up a newspaper, and gets in his car.

He pulls out of his driveway slowly, directly into the car crash.

A flashback to the takeover. Zombies everywhere. Humans running scared.

One human manages to escape. He heads for the deep woods. He discovers a cave and takes up shelter in it. He keeps a journal.

Day 3: This shouldn't be so hard. There are enough berries to last at least three weeks. By then President Bush will surely have thought of a way to rectify this situation.

Day 23: Damn. Out of berries.

And so on.

Flash forward to present day. Intercut between the guy living in his cave, struggling to survive, and three slow-moving zombies walking through the woods.

Guy in cave building fire. Zombies walking. Guy in cave scribbling in journal. Zombies walking. And so on.

Eventually the zombies reach the cave. With little effort, they push away the rock concealing the entrance, and enter.

The guy is asleep, snoring. The zombies proceed to eat him, again with little effort. He lets out a dreamy, "ouch," but that's it.

When they're finished, the zombies wipe their mouths with the pages of his journal, turn around and walk home.

The vacationing American zombie still stands with his back to the Eiffel Tower. He still holds his map. He has enlisted the help of some local French zombies, to tell him where the Eiffel Tower is, but they can't understand his moaning. They moan back at him in a different language. They are clueless as to what he wants.

A zombie kid is watching an old cartoon of a superhero. The superhero flies around from building to building.

The zombie kid sees this and gets inspired. He fashions a cape from the blanket draped over his couch. He climbs out onto his roof.

With his arms out in front of him, he jumps!

He hits the ground with a thud.

Slowly, groaning, he picks himself up and goes back inside. Looking closer at the superhero cartoon, he sees that the hero's cape is bright red. So the zombie kid goes into his closet and takes out a red blanket.

He climbs out onto his roof. With arms out in front of him, he jumps!

On his way to the ground his cape gets caught in the branches of an oak tree. This causes the zombie kid to whip around and go flying back into the house, through the window. He lands in front of the TV, on which is seen the superhero, standing triumphantly.

The zombie kid smiles.

by Phil & Tom

Zombie Leftovers

A zombie clumsily slapping the vending machine that ate his money.

A zombie police line-up.

Zombies doing yoga. Breaking their legs off and such.

A zombie rock band. A zombie folk band. A zombie orchestra. A zombie hobo musician. It all sounds kind of the same. Except the zombie rappers, who sound worse.

Zombie life drawing class.

An assembly line of zombie workers, trying to put together a car. The resulting car-like thing.

A zombie bride gets jilted at the altar by a zombie groom who couldn’t handle the pressure.
by Phil

A zombie general gives his troops a rallying speech of grunts and groans. They head out into the field and there is a pathetic zombie war of shuffling figures, bumping into one another and firing guns randomly in the air.
by Phil

A zombie portrait photographer tries desperately to get a baby zombie to smile. Nearby, a zombie woman picks up a pack of photographs from the developer. She flips through them. Some of them were taken during her pre-zombie days. She is confused by the sight of her former self. Then she eats the photos.